Nick Burns: Your Company Computer Guy
Nick Burns, the company computer guy. He'll fix your computer and then he'll make fun of you. Cause he's Nick Burns, the computer guy.
Let me tell you about the book I bought last night....
Sams Teach Yourself Red hat Fedora 4 Linux All in One
And why do you not have linux, you evil-empire supporting, windows seeing, start button pushin' know nothing - JUST KIDDING! I actually bought the book, which includes the Linux Fedora Core 4 Operating System, last night in hopes to learn the software because it sure is hard being an IT guy and having to tell people that you don't know linux! Now, one of our dedicated readers is going to comment to this post and tell me that he offered to install and teach me unix about six years ago, which he did and I didnt' take him up on it - I am kicking myself now!
Anyway, for our readers without backgrounds in CS/IT, if you have ever had to help fix someone's computer you will enjoy these (thanks to Bacardi for the forward):
Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
---
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note .."
Customer: No . wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet.. it's
still on my desk... Sorry...
---
Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
---
Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm
not Bill Gates!
---
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print.
Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the
printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still
says it can't find it...
---
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah..................Thank you.
---
Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
---
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: Okay.
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes.
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is
there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah..that one does work!
---
Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a
capital letter V as in Victor, and the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
---
A customer couldn't get on the Internet:
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
---
Helpdesk: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
---
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has put a screen saver on
my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!
---
And the winner is...
Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I
get the circle around it?
Let me tell you about the book I bought last night....
Sams Teach Yourself Red hat Fedora 4 Linux All in One
And why do you not have linux, you evil-empire supporting, windows seeing, start button pushin' know nothing - JUST KIDDING! I actually bought the book, which includes the Linux Fedora Core 4 Operating System, last night in hopes to learn the software because it sure is hard being an IT guy and having to tell people that you don't know linux! Now, one of our dedicated readers is going to comment to this post and tell me that he offered to install and teach me unix about six years ago, which he did and I didnt' take him up on it - I am kicking myself now!
Anyway, for our readers without backgrounds in CS/IT, if you have ever had to help fix someone's computer you will enjoy these (thanks to Bacardi for the forward):
Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
---
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note .."
Customer: No . wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet.. it's
still on my desk... Sorry...
---
Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
---
Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm
not Bill Gates!
---
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print.
Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the
printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still
says it can't find it...
---
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah..................Thank you.
---
Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
---
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: Okay.
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes.
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is
there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah..that one does work!
---
Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a
capital letter V as in Victor, and the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
---
A customer couldn't get on the Internet:
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
---
Helpdesk: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
---
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has put a screen saver on
my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!
---
And the winner is...
Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I
get the circle around it?
posted by brousky @ 1:54 PM
5 Comments:
At 2:14 PM ,
Luke Sonnier said...
Good grief!
At 12:27 PM ,
Mr. The Buffalo said...
Yeah, I bet you wish ol' Mr. The Linux Buffalo was there right now, dontcha? I've been fightin' the power for years now - true to form Linux on the PC always. I still dual boot WinXP Pro, but hey, sometimes you just need a silly piece of software that hasn't been ported to Linux yet.
I had used Redhat / Fedora for years. Every time a new distro would come out, I would upgrade. The last one I used was FC3. While I found it to be a good distro, Fedora is starting to give the user WAY too much fluff on the install and no real options to get rid of the excess apps. I downloaded FC4 recently, but I decided I was tired of constantly upgrading every few months just to get the same shit over and over. (Besides, FC just doesn't do as good of a job on software updates as other distros, like Gentoo or Debian.)
So I switced to Debian. You really ought to try it after you learn a bit more about linux. (And Fedora is good for learning some basic linux crap.) Meta-distributions are so much easier to maintain than distro-based linux flavors. There's no disks for upgrades. Just fire up the update software and it does the rest. Hell, you can even upgrade the entire OS with the touch of a button. I highly recommend Debian. And the newest version just went stable, so, unlike Fedora, Debian provides a more than adequate platform for servers as well as reliability for desktops. You don't get the bleeding edge stuff that comes with Fedora, but you also don't get the crashes that come with it as well. Come to think of it, since I started using Debian exclusively, I haven't crashed once, nor have I had to reinstall.
Good luck with the linux D - let me know i you need anything. I'm no guru, but I do have a few nuggets of wisdom stashed away on this new-fangled typewriter thingy.
Get Debian!
At 12:32 PM ,
Mr. The Buffalo said...
Gotta love the help desk stuff too. As a former tech guy, we got a lot of the ID-10-T phone calls and P.E.B.C.A.K. (problem exists between chair and keyboard) problems.
At 3:25 PM ,
Kelly Broussard said...
Yikes! Where do you find this stuff. The worst part is, I know people (some of which are students and teachers) who would easily fall into this category! Heck, they think I'm a genious because I can work and LCD projector and PowerPoint!
At 2:13 PM ,
headliner said...
When working tech support I got this call:
Me: your email address and pasword are correct on the server, you have to be typing the address or password wrong
Her: I am typing exactly what you are telling me
Me: can you spell out exactly what you have for the email address, you should have suzie@eatel.net, lower case, no spaces
Her:I will spell out exactly what I have typed: s-u-z-i-e -A-T- e-a-t-e-l -D-O-T- n-e-t
Me: I need a new damn job (thankfully not out loud)
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